


winter wind

by thegoddamnhat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Chatting & Messaging, Family, First Kiss, Friendship, Gen, Getting Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Siblings, don't read this if you haven't read chapter 387, please read the notes before you read it, romance isn't the main focus of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoddamnhat/pseuds/thegoddamnhat
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Tobio hates the cold.Boxed milk doesn't taste as refreshing in winter. He's not allowed to play as much volleyball as he would like to. The wind is vicious, leaving Tobio wishing that it would vanish entirely.Why is it legal for suchcoldnessto exist?He supposes his birthday and Christmas should make it better. Honestly, he doesn't care for either.But he's starting to now. Just a little bit more.Or, Kageyama Tobio and how the month of December changes for him with the passing time.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Kazuyo & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Miwa & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Kageyama Tobio & Schweiden Adlers, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 78





	winter wind

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY KAGEYAMA DAY EVERYONE!!  
> this is a day i'm mostly going to spend crying because of how far he's come. and this fic is basically my love for him compressed in nearly 2.7k words.  
> please don't read this fic if you haven't read the haikyuu manga (more specifically chapter 387) because there are major spoilers. for those of you who _would_ like to read it, here are a few topics this fic mentions, so that you can be careful -
> 
> death  
> absent parents  
> the aftermath of death  
> dealing with the loss of a loved one  
> hospitals  
> operations
> 
> please take care, and i hope you enjoy reading!

December is a cold month.

Contrary to popular belief, Tobio hates the cold.

Boxed milk doesn't taste as refreshing in winter. He's not allowed to play as much volleyball as he would like to. The wind is vicious, leaving Tobio wishing that it would vanish entirely.

Why is it legal for such _coldness_ to exist?

He supposes his birthday and Christmas should make it better. Honestly, he doesn't care for either.

But he's starting to now. Just a little bit more.

Weirdly, December is the month where the most significant events of Tobio's life took place.

He doesn't remember his first few Decembers, which is obvious. What he _has_ heard from Miwa is that he looked like a volleyball when he was born and had annoyed her since day one.

"You tried to eat my volleyball as if _looking_ like one wasn't enough. Kazuyo-kun had to pull it away from you. You put one hell of a fight, though." 

Well. If he'd annoyed Miwa, he supposes it was a good way to make his entrance into the world. 

He remembers holding on to his grandfather's hand and entering a gym for the first time in a December long gone by.

He recalls all the people there, Saito with the injured knee, Fukukawa with the crazy sets, Takasu with the near-perfect receives.

He's pretty sure he spent most of his time between the ages 3 and 5 playing with Miwa at the ladies' municipal team that his grandfather coached.

With the passing time, the colour and smell of the gym had become dear to him. They were the most beautiful things in the world.

His sixth birthday was spent running through their neighbourhood with his sister and grandfather.

"Nee-chan, wait up!" Tobio had said, "You're running too fast."

"Tobio, you idiot, you just need to run faster. I'm not slowing down." Miwa had said, sticking out her tongue at him.

"Miwa-chan," their grandfather had said, "slow down. Tobio's legs aren't as long as yours. And it's his birthday. Be nice to him."

Miwa had stopped, giving Kazuyo-san a _look,_ and taken Tobio's hand.

"Alright, stupid little brother," Miwa had said, "come with me."

Miwa and Tobio had run together, Kazuyo-san right behind them both.

Reflecting on that, Tobio wonders what would have happened if he or Miwa had noticed how exhausted Kazuyo-san was.

Would things be different?

Maybe.

He joined a volleyball team called the 'Little Falcons' when he turned 7. The kids there said that the fact he didn't have video games was lame.

Well, he thought video games were lame. And the kids who told him he was lame were _lamer._

The next day, Miwa came home and said she didn't want to play volleyball anymore because she didn't want to cut her hair.

It didn't bother Tobio all that much. Sure, he'd want her to play but...if _she_ didn't want to, there wasn't anything he or Kazuyo-san could do.

He still missed her, though. Just a little.

Tobio ran with just Kazuyo-san after that and played volleyball. Kazuyo-san taught Tobio the right way to receive spikes and how to aim better for his serves.

(He also was tired the entire time. Tobio hates himself for not realizing.)

Next December, he watched a match with his grandfather in the Sendai City Gymnasium. The Schweiden Adlers were playing, and their raw power and talent blew Tobio away. 

It might have been a blur, but he knows watching them in that match was a big reason for him joining the Schweiden Adlers.

After they came back home, Tobio's grandfather introduced him to the idea of personal maintenance. 

It's still so important to him. He thinks that personal maintenance was the best thing he learned from Kazuyo-san, at least in terms of volleyball.

In fourth grade, he made a splash at his debut as a volleyball player. Yes, a primary school volleyball player, but still a volleyball player. His shiny jersey with a golden number '12' on the back was the most precious thing he'd ever owned in his life.

He'd made so many service aces.

He held back on them, though. Because the game was ending too soon, and he wanted to play lots and lots more.

Kazuyo-san called him out on it when they were walking home together. Tobio had been slightly worried, wondering if Kazuyo-san thought it was bad he hadn't tried his best.

But then Kazuyo-san said, with a smile on his face, "If you get really good, I promise you...somebody's who's _even better_ will come and find you."

And he was right.

Kazuyo-san really did know everything.

The next few winters were a whirlwind. Kitagawa-Daiichi, Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime tested his limits. He trained hard, even as his grandfather stayed in the hospital, getting weaker and weaker. Played because he didn't know what else to do.

He had to keep moving. Or he would be paralyzed by fear, and Tobio did _not_ want that.

And then, _that_ December came.

That December, Tobio had been about to go to his grandfather's room in the hospital when there was suddenly a commotion. People were shouting and wheeling Kazuyo-san out of his room, into the operation theatre. He remembers standing there rigidly, the CDs in his hand clattering to the floor.

He waited. His parents and Miwa soon showed up too, sitting on chairs, ready to jump at the slightest news.

Then, when a nurse walked towards them with a look in her eyes that no one could mistake as happiness, Tobio knew.

He recalls how Miwa had started bawling her eyes out, and how his parents had had that strained look on their faces. Tobio had just sat there, with clenched fists and an empty heart.

The funeral happened two days later (because his parents were good at organizing just _this one thing_ ), and Miwa and Tobio had stood together, away from the crowd. Only they truly realized what had been lost.

The next 2 weeks were...hell, to say the least. He plunged himself into volleyball with an almost feverish vigour. He ran alone in his neighbourhood, always wanting to reach a somewhere that wasn't a world without Kazuyo-san. He watched V-league matches alone, practised serves alone and picked up the balls in the deserted gym after they'd been tossed around all by himself.

On his birthday (the most memorable one, albeit for different reasons), he took his saved up money and booked a room at the city gym.

Staring up at the ceiling, more than a few memories flooded back into his head.

He and Miwa practising at the ladies' club. His service aces in his first official match. 

The first match he'd ever seen in real life had been in this very place.

He'd seen the magic of volleyball in action, right before his eyes for the first time.

And his _grandfather_ had been here with him.

Tobio went into a frenzy, serving one ball after another. He didn't care that they went out of bounds. One made a home-run into the stands. He just threw them with as much force as possible, to quieten the screams inside his head.

But it wasn't enough.

Eventually, the screams came out of his mouth, and he cried till his throat went hoarse and tear tracks were carved into his skin.

He'd screamed till he could no longer make a sound, finally collapsing on the floor till someone came to tell him his time was up.

He thinks it was the first significant time in his life that he'd cried.

Not just a few sobs or watery eyes that stop watering after you blink. Completely blown-out wailing, and he cursed the world for taking away the one person he could tell anything.

The one person who knew how he felt.

The one person who understood him.

The one person he truly loved.

The one person who truly loved him.

Kageyama Kazuyo, his beloved grandfather.

The December after that was spent preparing for the Shiratorizawa entrance exam. He thought that if he'd got into the school where his grandfather went, he might be able to hold onto him a little more.

But he failed those exams. Miserably.

He's so grateful that he did.

The Decembers of the next 3 years happened so fast that he can only name a few things.

Practising with a team that didn't hate his tosses for the Spring Nationals.

A Christmas party that Ennoshita had to put a stop to after Nishinoya and Tanaka became a little too rowdy.

A birthday party for him, their vice-captain. The confetti on the floor and their smiling faces.

Hinata's face nearing him under the mistletoe. His arms around Hinata's shoulders, their lips brushing. The tears that he _totally_ did not shed after Hinata told him that he 'loved Tobio, the big idiot.'

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi.

_Hinata._

It would be poetic to say that Hinata saved him. It would sound pleasing to the ear, and look pretty on paper.

It's not true, though.

Tobio saved himself. Hinata had just thrown down a life jacket to Tobio. 

It had been up to Tobio to decide whether to stay afloat or drown.

And he's so glad he didn't let himself swept away by the water.

When he turned 20, there was a knock at the door of his dorm at the Schweiden Adlers.

No one ever visited him. He had no clue what to expect. He called Hoshiumi at once, one eye at the door.

"Hoshiumi-san, did Captain Hirugami say if there were any people visiting today?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he didn't. Maybe it's Hinata Shouyou at your door." Hoshiumi said, and there was no mistaking the hunger in his voice.

"It's not gonna be him, Hoshiumi-san. Didn't I tell you he was in Brazil? But thanks anyway." Tobio said, putting the phone down and walking towards the door and pushing it open.

"Tobio."

The last person he'd expected to see was at his door.

"N...Nee-chan?" 

Miwa was standing there with her short black hair, almost unrecognizable.

"Can I come in?" Miwa asked, refusing to meet Tobio's eyes.

"Uh, sure." Tobio opened the door wider and let her in.

She sat down at the couch, fascinated by her fingers.

"Um..." Tobio began to ask, but was stopped by Miwa holding up her hand.

"I...wanted to say happy birthday."

"T-Thanks?" Tobio said, thoroughly bewildered.

"And...um..." Miwa said, finally making eye contact with him, "I saw you at the Olympics."

"And what did you think?" Miwa hadn't watched any of Tobio's matches before, so it surprised him that she'd somehow taken time out of her busy schedule to look at him play.

"I thought..." Miwa said, trailing off.

"Yeah?"

"I thought," Miwa said, with intent this time, "that you were amazing."

Tobio only had a moment to process that before Miwa stood up and hugged Tobio, her head buried in his chest.

"Nee-chan?" Tobio said, worried.

"Stop that," Miwa mumbled, "stop being nice. Push me away. Tell me to get out of your house."

"Why?"

" _Because,"_ Miwa said, like it was the most obvious thing ever, "because I'm the most terrible sister in the world. I..." she said, starting to cry, "I left you all alone when Kazuyo-kun...well, yeah. I never called. I never checked up on you. I knew nothing about your high school experiences. I...don't even know the name of the boy you said you were dating."

"His name's Hinata Shouyou," Tobio said, "and it's not your fault. You were busy."

" _No,"_ Miwa screamed, "I wasn't as busy as you think I was. I had more than a few minutes every day to call you. I just _didn't._ And I don't even know _why._ I'm not as nice as you think I am, Tobio."

"But I didn't call you either, did I?" Tobio said, holding on tighter to his sister.

"But," Miwa said, nose running, "I'm the older one here..."

"That doesn't matter. Kazuyo-san was the oldest, and I think he was a bigger kid than the two of us. Also," Tobio said, smiling slightly, "I've never thought you were nice. Don't flatter yourself, Nee-chan."

"Tobio, you _idiot_ ," Miwa said weakly, punching his chest with no real anger.

When she stopped crying, she looked up at him.

"Tobio."

"Yes, Nee-chan?"

"I am going to try to be a better big sister from today. I'm going to be crappy at it, but I'll try my best."

"Okay, Tobio said, smiling softly.

"I'm going to start by making you dinner."

"No, please," Tobio said, grimacing, "I don't want to get sick on my birthday."

" _Tobio-"_

His 20th birthday was one of his best. His sister took a step to rebuild the broken bridges between them, and he talked to his best friends and boyfriend on the phone.

The 21st was celebrated in a similar fashion. Hoshiumi and Ushijima even took help from Sachirou and Tendou to pick out a gift for him.

And finally, his latest birthday.

Today.

Turning 22 on the 22nd is probably something he should cherish.

He sends his friends a text.

> You: i might be a little late. i'm waiting for nee-chan
> 
> Tsukishima Kei: I swear, if you show up late at your own birthday celebration, I'll
> 
> Yamaguchi Tadashi: he won't do anything, kageyama. i have his phone with me.
> 
> Yachi Hitoka: Tsukishima-kun is screaming at Yamaguchi-kun to stop being a bad boyfriend and give him back his phone.
> 
> Yamaguchi Tadashi: he did NOT say that, yachi-san.
> 
> Tsukishima Kei: I totally did.
> 
> Yachi Hitoka: They're being silly and arguing. If Kanoka-senpai were here, I'm sure they'd shut up. Hinata, can you do something?
> 
> Tsukishima Kei: Yachi-san, stop being gay.
> 
> Yachi Hitoka: But Kanoka-senpai is so beautiful and I love her so much
> 
> Tsukishima Kei: Please stop. I've heard about her eyelashes way too many times, Yachi-san.
> 
> Hinata Shouyou: oh gosh, these idiots are a mess. i'm gonna fix this. take ur time, ok, tobio? <3

Tobio smiles.

> You: okay.
> 
> You: <3
> 
> Tsukishima Kei: Ew, stop flirting.
> 
> Yachi Hitoka: I think Hinata's walking towards Tsukishima-kun with a look in his eyes that's screaming murder. I think I'll help him.
> 
> You: of course you're gonna. i'll come as soon as possible.

He shoves his phone in his pocket, and waves at Miwa, who's crossing the road. She waves back and pats his head (after commanding him to bend) once she's near him.

"Happy birthday, you dork," Miwa says, breath cloudy in the cold winter wind.

"Thanks, Nee-chan."

"Shall we go, then?"

"Yeah."

The cemetery is cold, and they walk close together on their way to Kazuyo-san. They find his grave, and Miwa places down a bouquet of flowers. They stand there in silence, looking at his picture, and at the words 'Kageyama Kazuyo' engraved into stone.

_Kazuyo-san, am I where you wanted me to be?_ Tobio asks silently, knowing what his grandfather would say.

He can picture it, Kazuyo-san's eyes sparkling and his earnest expression.

_Of course, Tobio._

_Thank you,_ Tobio says in his head, willing it to reach him. _Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my grandfather._

Kazuyo-san's voice echoes in his head. _Thank you for being my grandson, Tobio._

_I wish you were here. I would introduce you to my boyfriend, my friends, my teammates..._

The Kazuyo-san in his mind chuckles lightly. _I wish I was next to you, too. But I'm always with you, Tobio. I'm always by your side._

Tobio smiles. _Yeah, I know._

He looks to his right, where Miwa is sniffling.

"Tobio, you know he's proud of you, right?"

"Of course I do. He's proud of you too, Nee-chan."

"Y-yeah."

"Shall we go now?"

"Okay."

They walk away side by side, talking about their grandfather.

Tobio knows it'll never _not_ hurt. He'll never _not_ miss Kazuyo-san, and his kindness and wisdom.

He'll never _not_ miss the amazing human being Kageyama Kazuyo was.

But he'll learn to live with the pain.

Even the coldest winters come to an end. And spring will arrive, beautifully and unfailingly. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked the fic, and please leave a comment or kudos if you would like to! feel free to hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/crescentmoonkei) and follow me on [tumblr](https://thegoddamnhat.tumblr.com)!  
> interact with me on my fic graphic [here](https://twitter.com/crescentmoonkei/status/1343452950035714048)  
> have a great kageyama day and christmas, and i hope you're all staying safe!!


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